A Piece Of Cake: A Memoir

Diane noticed that Cupcake was pregnant before Cupcake did. She told her she was bringing shame to Black people and the neighborhood. Diane took Cupcake to the doctor, and they found out she was already three months pregnant. Cupcake knew it was Tim’s child and wrote to him, but he was in prison and didn’t write back. Six months into her pregnancy, Cupcake was thrilled at the idea of having a child and someone she could love and be loved by. It was then that Diane ordered Connie and some of the foster children to surround and viciously beat Cupcake. It seemed to go on forever, and they attacked every part of her body, including her stomach. Afterward, Cupcake felt numb until hours later when she went to bed and began to experience the most horrific pain. She went to the bathroom and started bleeding, screaming for someone to take her to the hospital. She had to threaten Diane in order to convince her to take Cupcake to the hospital, and when they got there, she was told that it was already too late: The baby had been lost. There was nothing left to do for Cupcake but to wait until she finished bleeding and take her home. Cupcake lost hope and any motivation to stop taking drugs or alcohol at that point, and anger rose up within her.

On the way home from the hospital Cupcake could tell that Diane and Connie felt bad, but it meant nothing to Cupcake. She was treated better for a couple of days, but things then went back to normal. Cupcake decided she would try to poison Diane and put rat poison in her drink one day, but Diane seemed to suspect it and never drank it. After one final conversation with Tim, in which he told Cupcake that her story of being beaten sounded false, she never heard from him again. Diane forced Cupcake to get an IUD, but Cupcake took it as a convenient way to make sex work easier. She serviced a man who was a police officer, and another who offered her methamphetamine for the first time. Then, a police officer one day found Cupcake hitchhiking and could tell she was out of place. She was taken to an emergency shelter and then back to Diane’s a few days later.

Cupcake left Diane’s and called Uncle Jr. a few days later. He heard that she was hitchhiking and made arrangements for Cupcake to be sent to live with her great aunt Becky. Aunt Becky lived in South Central with her four grandsons, who had lost their mother early like Cupcake. Cupcake got along with them right away, and fell for the oldest, who was named Fly. Cupcake describes Fly as beyond charming and slick. Fly almost immediately became protective of Cupcake. When she went on a date with a man one night, he threatened the man, letting him know he was “gangsta.” Cupcake had no clue what that meant but noticed how it brought fear into the man’s eyes. Shortly after, Fly introduced Cupcake to the concept of gang life and told her he was a member of the “Eight-Tray Gangster Crips” (105). Fly taught Cupcake all about gang symbols, colors, who to hate, and how to act in a gang. He taught her the slang, particularly the word “cuz,” and he explained that he got his nickname when he “flew” threw both windows of a car while evading the police.

Cupcake was unsure about joining a gang at first, especially because she was told she would have to hate the Bloods’ color, red, which was her favorite. Fly introduced her to the rest of the gang, which was made up of boys and girls of various ages. They passed around drugs and alcohol, which Cupcake liked, and when one of them gave her a jacket to keep her warm, Cupcake realized she had found a source of protection and community that she hadn’t had for a long time.

Cupcake was taken to the house of one of the members of the gang, Peanut, where she was left with the other female members. All of them were wearing blue. Out of nowhere, they started beating her and yelling at her to fight back and prove herself. Eventually, Cupcake got up, and through tears began swinging violently. She continued until one of the girls held her down. Afterward, everyone congratulated her and celebrated her initiation into the gang. She had proven she was “down.”

During the months before and after Cupcake’s 15th birthday, she was fully initiated into the gang. She appreciated the sense of camaraderie and belonging, and how everyone always looked out for each other. The gang introduced her to PCP (a hard drug that causes vivid hallucinations), taught her how to shoot a gun, and introduced her to various rituals like pouring out drinks for fallen members and taking revenge on opposing gangs. Cupcake wasn’t deterred from PCP, even when a friend suffered a permanent injury after jumping out of a tree while on PCP, nor when it would occasionally paralyze Cupcake’s body for hours. She was initially reluctant to participate in her first drive-by shooting, but she went through with it and shot some people from the Bloods gang who were sitting on their porch one night. Although Cupcake never knew if her shots hit or not, she and the others would argue over it. Cupcake continued doing sex work and learned how to commit petty thefts by stealing from stores or people on the bus. She became close with two girls named Rabbit and Trish, and she lost all fear of dying. When her conscience would alert her to the wrongness of many of her actions, she would quiet it with alcohol or the encouragement of her friends.

A year after Cupcake arrived in South Central, Uncle Jr. called to warn her that Mr. Burns was after the insurance money again, threatening to put Cupcake back with Diane. Cupcake decided to deal with this by running away again, but this time without actually leaving. She started staying with various friends and living on the streets during the day.

During a celebration before her 16th birthday, some members of an opposing gang drove by and shot at the group. Cupcake was shot twice in the spine and could not feel her legs. She laid there bleeding and writhing in pain until some reluctant police officers called an ambulance for her.

At the hospital, Cupcake was told by a rude doctor that she may never walk again. Looking around, Cupcake realized none of her gang friends were there. She felt alone, and then she remembered God. She wondered if the conscience that had told her to avoid so many things she had done might be God watching out for her, even though she gave up on God long ago. She decided to bargain with God and ask to keep the use of her legs, and in exchange, she would leave the gang.

Cupcake stayed in the hospital to recover and no surgery was ever done to remove the bullets from her spine. When the feeling returned to her legs, even the doctor was surprised, but Cupcake knew that it meant she had to say goodbye to her gang. When she found out from a social worker that she would have to return to Diane’s, she took it as a way to leave the gang without hard feelings.

She was surrounded by her friends for days and said her sad goodbyes knowing she was likely never to see any of them again. Cupcake shared some time with Fly, reminiscing and sharing the sorrow of their ending friendship. Cupcake was sad to be leaving and cried herself to sleep that night.

Cupcake returned to Diane’s only for a short while. Overcome by diabetes and a refusal to change her lifestyle, Diane became weak and slow, and Cupcake used the opportunity to press her buttons whenever she could. When Cupcake decided it was time to leave, she knew she never wanted to return. She arranged to stay with a friend until she got some money sent from Uncle Jr. She got on a bus to San Diego and never returned.