I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Jacob and Esther sit in Dr. Fried’s office as she explains that she cannot promise any particular future for Deborah. She advises against seeing Deborah, as her appearance and mental state may alarm them. Dr. Fried also explains that Deborah’s symptoms are defense mechanisms, separate from the illness itself, casing Jacob to defend his parenting. As the therapy takes effect, Deborah must trust that there will be something to replace it. Jacob insists on seeing Deborah. After seeing Deborah, her parents drive home in shock at her appearance and behavior. They decide to tell Suzy the truth.

Dr. Fried senses tension between Deborah and her father. Deborah explains that she senses in herself an anger similar to her father. She adds that he never tried to understand her and that, as she grew up, he painted men as perverts. When Deborah was approached by a man on the street, her father angrily blamed her, and Deborah responded that no one would want her. Deborah’s father hit her then. Dr. Fried suggests that Jacob may have felt lust and instead shamed Deborah into fearing men and anyway lustful part of herself. At the end of the session, Dr. Fried assures Deborah that even after treatment, she will still have the choice to stay in Yr.

A new patient, Miss Coral, known for her violent tendencies and strong will, is back. She is elderly and small but fights off several attendants as she is brought into the ward. Feeling threatened, Helene tears a door off its hinges and throws it, which makes Sylvia attack her. Both are put in cold packs. A few days later, Miss Coral talks to Deborah about her age. Deborah asks Miss Coral to teach her about other languages, but Miss Coral does not remember. She goes back to her room, and Deborah feels she caused Miss Coral anguish. Hours later, Miss Coral calls out some phrases in Latin, promising to teach Deborah what they mean tomorrow.

Miss Coral shares what she remembers of Latin and Greek, and Deborah takes notes. Miss Coral also talks about the Middle Ages, referring to the people as barbaric; she identifies with that spirit. Deborah relates with Miss Coral and doesn’t feel threatened by her. Deborah asks for a notebook and is ignored, so she steals the back half of a nurse’s notebook. She takes the ward doctor’s copy of Look Homeward Angel and reads it. She copies down what she remembers and continues learning from others on the ward. She wonders why, despite her learning, her illness hasn’t changed. When she realizes the two are unrelated, she withdraws into a darkness, unable to see color, staying in her room for three months.

When Deborah comes out of her room, both Miss Coral and Carla are happy to see her, which surprises Deborah. Carla announces that she is moving back to the B ward. Deborah tells Carla she is her friend; the next day, she has retreated into Yr and banished any love for Carla. When Miss Coral tells Deborah that she can learn even more Greek from Mr. Ellis, who knows it fluently, Deborah suddenly panics. She stares at him and feels the pain of her invisible tumor.

Esther fears that Suzy’s image of her sister will convert to one of a “straitjacketed stereotype” (131). When Esther and Jacob do tell Suzy, she reacts calmly, noting that more things now make sense, and adding that she misses Deborah. Her parents are shocked but grateful.

Deborah sits with Dr. Fried and explains the “nganon” (133) or essential substance that makes up all people. She believes that she is not made of the same substance as everyone else, and thus believes herself poisonous. She describes receiving powers of transmutation from the gods of Yr, and how she became a bird and then a Japanese soldier during WWII. Deborah felt the pain and sense of captivity of war. When Deborah leaves the session, she asks to be put in a cold pack. As she lays down, she is accosted by laughter and taunting, and warnings that the third mirror is yet to come. Deborah is left in the pack for three extra hours and wakes to severe pain and swelling in her feet and legs. She senses the third mirror, death, coming toward her. She cries until the person beside her, Sylvia, asks if she’s alright. Deborah is shocked to find that Sylvia knows who she is, since Sylvia never talks, but the company comforts her enough to find the will to call out for help. When the attendants eventually come, Deborah has to sit for a while to let the blood flow back into her legs. She thanks Sylvia for being there with her, but Sylvia is not responsive.

Deborah angrily tells Dr. Fried that she wishes her death would come sooner. She explains that her trusting in Dr. Fried and others made the gods angry, breaking the flowerpot. Dr. Fried is confused by Deborah’s suddenly panicked state, and says that she seems to be confusing her past hospital experiences with current ones. She assures Deborah she won’t betray her the same way. Deborah describes her experience in the cold pack and being left for too long, and how she felt as though she was about to die. She demands that Dr. Fried prove she is trustworthy.

Doris Rivera returns. Deborah feels both angry and relieved knowing that Doris couldn’t make it either: “Who was she to have tried, challenging them all? And how dare she have failed under the grinding of the world!” (144). She walks past Doris’s door and calls her presumptuous, thinking about both Doris’s fate and her own. When Doris comes out later, Deborah demands to know why she came back, but Doris keeps telling her to mind her own business. When Deborah starts banging on Doris’s door and asking more questions, she is ushered away by the attendants. A few days later, Deborah sprains her ankle playing catch and is taken to the hospital, where she feels grateful to be around people like her.

Deborah tells Dr. Fried of her fears of the consequences of her poisonous nganon, and rubbing off on others. Deborah fears she will cause her sister to “be insane” (151). When asked to consider the facts, Deborah acknowledges her mental health condition. She was always told she was fine, so having her suspicions about her own mind confirmed means that she is at least able to perceive something clearly. Dr. Fried appreciates the new insight.