Lily and Dunkin

Lily’s family takes Dunkin to breakfast, but Lily can’t eat. Alternatively, Dunkin, polishes off a huge breakfast and drinks five cups of coffee. Dunkin acts a bit strange and talks a mile a minute, so when they’re alone for a moment, Lily checks to make sure her secret is safe with him. Shocked, Dunkin assures her that she has nothing to worry about. Lily asks Dunkin if he’s going to the dance, and when Lily tells him that she’s definitely going, Dunkin agrees that he’ll go, too. Lily thinks that’s just perfect. 

Dunkin is starving and craving caffeine. While he eats, he thinks about Tim’s secret. He wonders if Vasquez calls Tim a fag because he looks like a girl, but Dunkin knows that fag isn’t the right term, and besides, he hates that word from when kids used to call him that. Dunkin realizes that he doesn’t really like Vasquez and the guys, though he figures he’ll have to get along with them through basketball season. He also realizes that Tim is a real friend because he trusted Dunkin with his secret and stood up for Dunkin. Dunkin figures he could trust Tim with his secrets, too. Dunkin wishes he could improve Tim’s mood. He understands what it’s like to “lose something you love and know there’s nothing you can do about it” (283). Dunkin stops himself from thinking about what he lost. 

Vasquez speaks cruelly to Lily, which he hasn’t done in a while, and shoves her into a locker, hitting the back of her head hard. As she suffers Vasquez’s cruelty, Lily recognizes the same meanness that she saw in his father. However, her understanding that Vasquez’s father is the source of his behavior doesn’t lessen her pain or allow her to forgive Vasquez. In the next class, Lily still has a headache, but her heart aches more as she wonders whether Dunkin told Vasquez her secret. 

Tim approaches Dunkin’s table at lunch, and Dunkin cringes at the danger that Tim’s put himself in. When Dunkin walks with Tim to another part of the lunchroom to talk, Vasquez pelts them with fruit. Tim asks whether Dunkin told Vasquez the secret because some of the things he said that morning made it seem like he knew. Hurt, Dunkin assures Tim that he didn’t and wouldn’t tell. Tim admits that he may have just been paranoid. Full of dread, Dunkin returns to Vasquez’s table and lies, saying Tim was asking for money. Vasquez calls Tim a freak and advises Dunkin to “stay away from her” (287). Dunkin agrees, but he doesn’t mean it; “Tim is the only real friend” (287) he has made in Florida or really ever. 

Dunkin can’t sit still during the game. His mind races, and he puts his hands over his ears to stop the noise. As he waits to play, Dunkin speaks excitedly to someone over his left shoulder. His teammates move away from him, asking him who he’s talking to. When coach calls him into the game, Phineas, the voice he’s been hearing, encourages him to show off his moves. Dunkin pretends to dribble down the court and runs up and down talking to Phineas. Wanting to show Phineas how he can shoot, Dunkin looks frantically for the ball and the right basket. Suddenly overwhelmed, he walks in little circles trying to remember what he was doing.

Dunkin realizes that his mom and Bubbie are standing on the court with him and asks Phineas what’s happening. Dunkin tries to assure his weeping mother that he’s fine, telling her Phineas is back and showing her some wild basketball moves. As she gasps, someone handcuffs Dunkin behind his back and takes him to a police car. Dunkin cries as the car leaves, but he’s glad that he’s not alone, as Phineas is beside him. 

In the hospital, the doctor tries to speak with Dunkin, but Phineas warns him that the doctor is really an FBI agent out to harm him. Dunkin screams and tries to get away, but his hands are still handcuffed behind him, and the man pushes him down on a mattress. The doctor sedates Dunkin, causing Phineas’s voice to disappear. 

Dunkin wakes in a tiny room with red marks where handcuffs used to be. When Dunkin realizes his shoelaces are missing, he remembers where he is. He and Phineas agree that he has to get out of there. 

When Dunkin meets with the supposed doctor, he doesn’t answer any questions and denies hearing voices. Dunkin asks the doctor if his dad is in the same psychiatric facility, and the doctor changes the subject, saying that they need to focus on Dunkin for the moment. Dunkin vows internally that he will explore and find his dad with Phineas’s help. 

At a sleepover at Dare’s house, Dare and Amy share that they heard Dunkin “got carted off the basketball court in handcuffs [... because] he went psycho” (296). Lily remembers how fast he was talking at the restaurant, and her hands shake as she worries about him. When the other girls fall asleep after a movie, Lily lays awake praying that Dunkin is okay. 

In the locker room, Lily notices Vasquez and his friends staring at her, and she worries because they are unnaturally quiet. Vasquez questions whether Lily is a girl because of her nail polish. When Vasquez tells her that they’ve been wondering something, Lily knows what’s coming. She tries to leave and considers screaming, but they’re holding her still, and she knows screaming will only make matters worse. The Neanderthals pull down her shorts and underwear and exclaim that she is a boy after all, though barely. Someone smacks Lily on the bare butt, and they run out of the locker room hysterical with laughter. Lily stands there with her pants around her ankles. 

Lily puts on her clothes and walks out of the locker room and out of the school. No one stops her. She can’t go home, and her feet subconsciously lead her to where Bob once stood. At home, she doesn’t eat dinner with her family; instead, she takes a long shower but doesn’t feel any cleaner. In bed, she feels ugly. She knows she “can’t go back to that school [...] can’t face those people” (302). She sobs into her pillow. Later, she thinks of Dunkin, wishing she could help him, but knowing she “can’t even help herself” (302).

Lily pretends to be sick, so she doesn’t have to go to school. Her mom compliments her nail polish, but when she leaves, Lily removes it. She doesn’t get out of bed at all that day. 

Dunkin has been moved to a more comfortable room with a roommate. Dunkin and Phineas look for Dunkin’s dad as much as they can. The new meds he’s on make him sleepy, but the doctors say he will go back to his regular meds soon. If he continues to be cooperative, he can have visitors soon, and Dunkin hopes his dad can come see him. Dunkin’s mom visits, and she looks tired. Dunkin mentions wanting to attend the school dance, and his mother agrees that it might serve as a good goal. 

Lily won’t go to school again, so her mom makes an appointment with her psychiatrist. Lily doesn’t tell her what happened because she’s too ashamed. Under strict orders from her mother, Lily goes to school the following day, but she doesn’t plan on going to PE ever again. First thing, Vasquez apologizes, and Lily is shocked. When he asks her not to tell anyone, she realizes that he’s afraid of getting kicked off the basketball team. Lily looks down and agrees. 

Dunkin wakes up feeling well. Dunkin knows he’s almost ready to go home. He asks Phineas for help with one last thing, and Phineas warns him that he won’t be around much longer. Dunkin knows that is true, and they agree that it’s time to find his dad. 

Phineas gets Dunkin to sit because he wants to tell him something about his dad. Dunkin has a hard time hearing Phineas because he’s fading, which he knows is a good thing. Phineas tells him that his dad is gone, and a door opens in Dunkin’s brain, releasing memories that he can’t stop anymore. He remembers the funeral, his mother crying, and his father in the coffin, and he sobs and wails. When Dunkin calls out to Phineas, he’s gone. The attendant takes Dunkin to the doctor, and Dunkin tells him that Phineas is gone. Dunkin reveals that he knows his dad killed himself, and as he sobs, the doctor embraces him. After they separate, Dunkin knows that he will be okay someday soon. 

On the way out of the facility, Dunkin talks about his father’s death and promises his mom that he’ll take his meds, vowing that he said goodbye to Phineas for the last time. Dunkin also admits that he couldn’t have handled his dad’s death before now; his brain must have protected him. At the mention of Bubbie’s less than appetizing bran muffins, Dunkin suggests they stop at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home. 

Lily borrows her mom’s red dress, and Sarah does her makeup. Lily realizes that she doesn’t have a choice in who she is; she has to be herself, regardless of the Vasquezes and Neanderthals of the world. She thinks of Vasquez trying to shame her in the locker room and people’s reactions when she shows up to the dance as Lily and knows she’s ready. When Lily opens Sarah’s closet to get a necklace from Grandpop Bob, she sees the pink flamingos from all the yards. Sarah admits that she and her knitting group wanted to add something unexpected to their boring neighborhood. Lily jokes that Beckford Palms has certainly gotten the unexpected from their household. Lily’s mom takes pictures of Lily, Dare, and Amy and drives them to the dance. When Lily asks where her dad is, her mom tells her he had something to do at the shop. Lily doesn’t believe her, but she won’t let her father’s absence ruin this night. 

Lily is dazzled by the decorations and how pretty everyone looks. She notices that the Neanderthals aren’t there, and though she knows they could arrive at any time, she doesn’t want to spend this night thinking about them. A lot of the kids are staring at her, but she stands tall, keeps her chin up, and takes a deep breath. She lets them see who she really is: Lily Jo McGrother. 

When Dunkin’s mom asks if he wants to go to the dance, he hesitates because he thinks all the kids will be “staring at the guy who just got out of the loony bin” (318). Dunkin thinks about Tim at the dance and worries that Vasquez will harass him. He decides to attend so he can protect Tim. Dunkin’s mom takes him to a formal clothing store, and when he worries about the cost, she tells him about her new job. Dunkin is happy that his mom is moving forward, and when he looks at himself in his new, fancy clothes, he realizes that he is, too. 

Lily’s hands tremble as Vasquez and the Neanderthals come into the dance. Lily sees Vasquez’s eyes widen and hears him call her a fag, but he and his friends move to the other side of the room. Looking across the room, Lily sees Amy and Dare holding hands, and she realizes they are a couple. It seems Dare had a secret too, and Lily wishes she had shared it with her.

When Dunkin arrives, Lily rushes to him, forcing herself not to give him a hug. As they get a drink, Dunkin confesses that it feels like everyone is staring at him. Lily nearly spits out her drink, assuring Dunkin that her dress and makeup are likely getting the bulk of people’s attention. Dunkin laughs and compliments Lily for her bravery. When Dunkin asks if he can call her Lily now, Lily can barely contain her joy. Dunkin tells her about everything: his breakdown, the mental health facility, and his father’s suicide. Lily is sympathetic. Then, she looks at Dunkin and tells him she’s glad he’s there. 

Dunkin is touched by Lily’s words. When the DJ announces the last dance, Dunkin asks Lily to dance with him. Lily hesitates, worrying that people will stare, but Dunkin dismisses her concern, reminding her that they’ll stare anyway because he “just got out of the loony bin” (322). Dunkin and Lily go out on the dance floor and dance like crazy. They have so much fun, and Dunkin thinks another way to die in South Florida might be due to happiness. 

When the lights come up, Lily can see that everyone, including teachers, are staring at them. She feels exposed and is about to run out of the room but sees her dad looking right at her with his “arms wide open” (323). When Lily looks more closely, she sees that his shirt says, “I love my DAUGHTER!” (323), and he scoops her up in his arms, telling her how much he loves her. The Neanderthals are gone, and Lily is glad they aren’t there to ruin things. Lily’s dad takes her hand and leads her toward the exit. When Dunkin says goodbye, he calls her Lily, and Lily marvels at how good that feels.

On the way home, Lily’s dad compliments her bravery and tells her how proud Grandpop Bob would be. Her father shares that his thinking changed when the doctor showed him a statistic in which “forty-three percent of transgender kids try to kill themselves” (324). He realized that by providing Lily with love and support, he could save her life. Emotional, Lily tells her dad that his t-shirt is perfect, and he responds that Lily is perfect, too.