Lily and Dunkin

Dunkin begins the novel as an insecure teenager whose goal in his new home is to make friends. Dunkin worries about people judging him for his freakish height or his unusually hairy legs, but he also worries about how sad his mom has been and his absent father. His manner of dealing with his absent father is to try to push negative thoughts from his mind.

Dunkin’s experiences being bullied in New Jersey prompt him to dismiss Lily, a person with whom he felt an instant connection, for the opportunity to be friends with the popular jocks who bully her. Dunkin is willing to do whatever it takes to fit in, even ignoring the cruelty of his new friends and the hurt they impart and hating himself for being a coward. As Dunkin makes the basketball team and starts the season, he becomes obsessive about being good enough to stay in the good graces of the other players, and he begins to skip his meds, believing that he will have better energy and focus for the games. His decision leads to a breakdown and hospitalization.

As Dunkin faces some of the truths that he has striven to avoid, he moves forward in a more positive manner. Memories of Dunkin’s father haunt him: Whenever he thinks of his dad, he quickly tries to push those thoughts out of his mind for fear they might upset him. When he finally faces the reality of his father’s suicide, Dunkin can grieve. It also provides Dunkin with the opportunity to realize the seriousness of his bipolar disorder and the necessity for him to stay on his medications. Additionally, when Dunkin finally admits that Vasquez and the guys aren’t his real friends and Lily really is, he becomes more willing to step in when Lily is being bullied. Dunkin finally steps up when he sees Lily on Halloween. Additionally, Dunkin attends the dance, despite his own reservations about people judging him, because of his concern that Lily might be the focus of Vasquez’s cruelty.

Dunkin ultimately proves himself to be an accepting and thoughtful person. Once he recognizes that Lily trusts him, and that he can trust her, he develops that friendship. Though he is still self-conscious, worrying that everyone is looking at him at the dance, he has gained enough perspective to realize that the desire to please or impress other people shouldn’t stop him from doing what he wants or what he knows is right. 

Lily’s former lawyer turned yoga instructor mother serves as a supportive pillar for Lily as she works to be herself. When Lily gets discouraged by her father’s annoyance or dismissals, Mrs. McGrother always seems aware of Lily’s pain and comforts her. In addition to providing comfort, her decision to call Lily by her name “release[s] bits of hope” and prompts Lily to marvel at her mother’s ability to know “how much her complete acceptance [...] matters” (27).

When Mr. McGrother pushes back against getting Lily hormone treatments, Lily’s mother goes to bat for her, and when it’s time to go to the psychiatrist to start the process, she drives fast and does not mince words with her husband. She knows what is best for her daughter, and she will do whatever it takes to make sure Lily is safe and happy; Mrs. McGrother is Lily’s rock. 

In the beginning portions of the novel, Mr. McGrother cannot deal with the idea of his son being a girl. He has made many attempts to make Lily be more masculine, including having “only boy clothes and boy bedding in [her] room” (133). However, like the hair cut he suggests, none of it changes who Lily really is on the inside. Lily’s practice sessions at the start of the book upset her father, and he reacts “with disgust” (7) at dresses and insists that Lily only practice inside. He believes that Lily just has to “try harder” (24) to be a boy, and he worries that if she continues to go out as Lily, she will get hurt.

Mr. McGrother’s attitude causes a rift between him and his family. Lily feels as though she is “always [...] trying to get closer, and he keeps moving away” (22). He avoids conversations with her and tries wait until Lily’s mother is home to have talks about hormone treatments and dresses. Additionally, Mr. McGrother is firmly against hormone treatment. However, when the time comes to go to the psychiatrist, he goes, showing that whatever his opinion may be, he values the desires of his wife and daughter enough to honor them.

After Lily’s psychologist shares suicide statistics with Mr. McGrother, readers see a shift in his attitude. He becomes more supportive, taking Lily to the endocrinologist to start the shots process and biting his tongue as she wears makeup to school. However, when Lily dresses as a mermaid for Halloween, Mr. McGrother explodes once more. The difference this time is that Mr. McGrother is less focused on persuading Lily to be more masculine and more focused on trying to keep her from those “rotten people out there who would hurt [her]” (208). When she returns safely, he is relieved, and by the end of the novel, he fully embraces his daughter and the bravery she shows in being her true self, as evidenced by his arrival at the dance. 

As the only person who showed up at Lily’s eighth birthday party, Dare established herself as the person “who always showed” (123) from the start, attending Lily’s eighth birthday party when no one else came. Though busy with lacrosse and several other friends and pursuits, Dare always makes time for her best friend, Lily, sitting with her at lunch and inviting her over for sleepovers.

In addition to making time for their friendship, Dare pushes Lily to move outside her comfort zone. Dare criticizes Lily for “continuing to play the Tim game” (57) and encourages Lily to be her true self. Dare believes Lily is capable of serving an inspiration to others with her strength and willingness to be the real her. Dare does not have patience for Lily’s excuses, and she pushes Lily to recognize that “‘if [she] can’t be comfortable with who [she] really [is], then [she can’t] expect anyone else to be’” (79). In part, Dare’s tough love approach encourages Lily to move forward with her small steps and ultimately reach her goal of going to the school dance as Lily.

Dare’s sexuality goes unnoticed by Lily; however, by the end, Dare holds hands with Amy at the school dance. In contrast to Dare’s comments about being honest and forthright no matter people’s reactions, Dare seems to keep her relationship with Amy hidden from Lily. Whether Lily was too caught up with her own struggles to notice hints or not, Dare seems to have gained enough inspiration from Lily’s attendance at the dance to stand hand-in-hand with her girlfriend.