Speak

Melinda wakes up late for school, and her mother tells her to walk. She gets dressed and starts making her way, enjoying the pretty snow and the quiet. When she decides to stop for doughnuts at the bakery on the way to school, she encounters Andy Evans again. She freezes in the middle of the parking lot because “that’s how rabbits survive; they freeze in the presence of predators” (97). Andy notices her anyway, smiling a wolf smile and offering a bite of his doughnut. Melinda sprints away as fast as she can and decides spontaneously to skip school altogether.

Melinda wanders around past businesses and neighborhoods. She hops on a bus to the mall when she gets too cold. She finds it strange to see the mall just opening, never having been there at this time before. Melinda looks for spring clothes that she might be able to convince her mother to buy her later. She thinks about telling someone her secret or just blurting it out right there in the mall. Melinda wishes she was still young before any of these bad experiences happened. She spends the rest of the afternoon waiting for school to end so she can go home and goes to school for the rest of the week.

In English class, Melinda and the other students study The Scarlett Letter. Melinda can relate to its protagonist Hester because she has a secret that brings her shame and guilt and sets her apart from society. Unlike Hester, though, Melinda did not bring the secret upon herself. Her teacher insists that the class examine the text as closely as possible to discover Hawthorne’s code and what he was trying to say. Melinda enjoys the task for a little while but soon tires of it. Rachel accuses the teacher of making up the symbolism in the book, believing it to just be a story without these intended hidden meanings. The teacher punishes the entire class with an essay on symbolism, and Melinda notes, “That’s what you get for speaking up” (102).

Melinda continues to struggle with her tree carving. Mr. Freeman suggests she try a new medium, so she uses finger paints; she finds it calming but not productive. She looks at books filled with illustrations of “every stinking tree that grows” (103), but this does not help. Mr. Freeman starts a new painting, currently, just a canvas painted a deep, dark blue. He describes it as many things, such as “the hair of a small girl who grows up hopeless” (104). Melinda feels like she understands Mr. Freeman better than most others.

At lunch at school, Heather confesses that she feels she and Melinda are too different to be friends. She adds that she thinks Melinda is “no fun to be around and […] need[s] professional help” (105). Melinda knows that Heather has a point but is upset that the only person she considers a friend is abandoning her in the name of social acceptance. Heather tells Melinda that she cannot sit with her at lunch anymore and walks away to sit with the Marthas. She does not look back at Melinda as if she disappears from her mind instantly.

Melinda continues cutting class, conjugating the verb “cut” in every way she knows how.

Valentine’s Day arrives, and Melinda finds a card on her locker. She panics at the thought of it being a prank or being real and leaves it there to go to biology class. She wonders if it might be from David, as they spend time together for labs, and he smiles at her occasionally. In class, Melinda stresses herself out thinking about it and pulls her nail back so that it bleeds. David hands her a tissue, and she remarks, “It doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts except the small smiles and blushes that flash across the room like tiny sparrows” (109). Like anyone else, Melinda wants to be loved but wonders if anyone ever would. As the class continues, Melinda draws a doodle of the teacher as a bird and passes it to David. He draws a branch and hands it back, and the two are soon eyeing one another. Melinda’s hopes are up, and she goes to her locker after class to open the card. It turns out to be from Heather, thanking her for understanding about being friendless. Melinda feels like Valentine’s Day has done nothing but “unveiled every knife that sticks inside [her]” (111).

Melinda falls asleep on the bus and misses the mall on a day she plans to skip. She ends up at the hospital instead and decides to explore it. She sits in waiting rooms, walks around, and watches the people as they suffer in waiting or go about their busy jobs. She feels important as she sits in the cafeteria with all the doctors and nurses at lunch. Melinda considers putting on a gown and crawling into one of the hospital beds, but when she sees a man bleeding from the head, she knows she does not belong there and leaves for the bus.

Melinda is called into the principal’s office because her educators and parents are worried about her. Her parents are there, and they ask Melinda why she has been skipping school, why her grades are dropping, and most importantly—why she refuses to speak. Melinda says nothing as her parents, the principal, and a guidance counselor argue with one another over what happened to Melinda and whose fault it is. The guidance counselor mentions noticing that Melinda has been hanging out with the Marthas and how encouraging that is; Melinda stares at him, shocked at how he can be so oblivious to the fact that she has no friends.

Melinda is given a “Merryweather In-School Suspension” (116) (MISS) wherein she must sit in a room she describes as boring and insanity-inducing. On one particular day, Mr. Neck is supervising. To Melinda’s horror, she finds that Andy is also joining the detention. Again, she feels like a rabbit “hiding in the open” (117), and a large lump forms in her throat. Andy blows in her ear, and Melinda thinks about how much she wants to kill him.

In art class, Melinda is inspired when Mr. Freeman puts a Picasso art book in front of her. She sifts through its pages, examining the different artistic styles and their meanings. When Melinda arrives at the cubism section, she is taken aback. She sees how Picasso cut people and objects into pieces, forcing the viewer to rearrange them in their own way. She draws a tree in this style, making the branches out of rectangles and observing how they look like various objects in her life. Mr. Freeman encourages her to keep going in this direction.

Melinda behaves and attends every class for a week, and the guidance counselor convinces her parents to reward her. They decide to buy her some new clothes, but Melinda dreads shopping with her mother. Her mother has different clothing tastes, and she and Melinda do not agree on anything Melinda wants to wear. To avoid all this drama, they decide Melinda can only shop at one store. She goes to meet her mother there after school, and Mr. Freeman finds her shivering in the cold, waiting for the bus. He offers her a ride, and, in the car, he compliments her progress and perseverance in art class. Melinda catches herself talking to Mr. Freeman out loud, confessing that she is unsure what to feel or what emotions to put into her work. Mr. Freeman pays no mind, telling Melinda that she must think about what moves her when she creates art and that “when people don’t express themselves, they die one piece at a time” (122). As Mr. Freeman drops Melinda off at the clothing store, he tells her he wants to hear more of what she has to say.

Melinda’s mother calls the store to let Melinda know she will be late, and Melinda takes advantage of the opportunity to try on some jeans and self-reflect. She puts on a loose pair that she likes and stares into the mirrors of the changing room, adjusting them to show a thousand reflections of herself. As she looks at herself, she recalls a story of a woman who was burned alive and had to have a new skin sewed onto her body. Melinda wonders if she can (figuratively) get new skin if only she gives herself more time. She resolves to confront the burning emotions inside her and figure out a way to “become normal” (125).

Melinda’s academic interests expand beyond art as she finds biology more and more fascinating each day. She knows the upcoming test will be about seeds and how plants grow, and she outlines the plant germination and growth process in detail. Melinda observes that plants put out many seeds “because they know that life is not perfect and all the seeds won’t make it” (126), comparing this strategy to humans of the past who often had 10 or more children. She marvels at how short the life of a plant is compared to a human. At the end, she feels confident that she will ace the test.

Melinda sits alone in the cafeteria with her brown bag lunch. She now avoids the cafeteria food and lineup, having asked her mom to buy her lunch food on a written note—a small step toward communication. As she eats, she looks around at the other misfits like herself and sees them all sitting together. She realizes she is the only one sitting totally alone.

In English class, Melinda’s teacher asks the class why they believe Hawthorne included snow in his novel. Melinda thinks that he meant for snow to symbolize silence and cold: “Nothing quieter than snow. The sky screams to deliver it, a hundred banshees flying on the edge of the blizzard. But once the snow covers the ground it hushes as still as my heart” (130).

Melinda falls asleep in her closet after school and does not wake up until 8:45 PM when the sounds of the roaring crowd from the basketball game rouse her. She goes to watch the end of the game from the doors, and David Petrakis comes out when it ends. He sees Melinda and invites her over to his house for pizza, and she declines, feeling like she has no business going to a party. On the way home, she battles with two different people inside her head; one tells her she is pathetic for not attending the party, and the other tells her she was right to be scared. Melinda wonders who she would be without these two inside of her.

Melinda finally reveals the story of the night at the summer party. She goes with Rachel, and her parents believe she is staying the night at Rachel’s house. At the party, Melinda reluctantly drinks three beers to fit in (despite finding them disgusting). She feels sick and leaves the crowd, headed toward the woods. There, a senior comes up behind her and starts flirting with her, telling her she is beautiful. He takes her in his arms and starts dancing with her, and she cannot believe her luck because he is very attractive. He kisses her normally at first but then begins forcing his teeth into her lips so hard that he bruises them. The next moment, Melinda is on the ground with him as he forces himself on top of her. Melinda wants to say no but cannot bring herself to speak; she freezes as he rapes her. Melinda then remembers calling 911, Rachel glaring at her, and someone slapping her. She looks in the mirror at her bruised lips and does not recognize the girl she sees. She walks home alone to an empty house.

In the present, Melinda sits outside in the snow and has bit her lip so hard that she will need stitches. Thinking about the memory sends her into sheer panic and dissociation. Her report card is worse than ever, with Ds and Fs in every class but Art.