Take My Hand

Arriving in Jackson, Civil thinks about Medgar Evers and how his 1963 murder marked the end of her childhood. She recalls the leaders of the 1960s civil rights movement and the tragedy of Fannie Lou Hamer’s forced sterilization in 1961; Hamer coined the phrase “Mississippi appendectomy” to refer to the practice because it was so common among poor Black women.

Arriving at Alicia’s middle-class home, Civil notes that Alicia is living “The Southern American Dream” (79). After leaving the clinic, Alicia married and now has three grown children, who are college graduates. Her husband is successful, and both she and her husband are active in their local church.

Alicia and Civil are happy to see each other after so many years. They talk about their lives before the conversation turns to India and her cancer diagnosis. Alicia wonders why Civil “disappeared” after they left the clinic, and Civil cannot explain how she needed to put distance between herself and Montgomery.

Civil understands from their conversation that Alicia has matured over the past 40 years, and she explains that she still feels responsible for what happened to the Williams sisters; she has spent her “whole career trying to rectify that wrong” (83). Alicia points out that Civil can let her guilt go, but Civil tells her friend she cannot.

Civil wants to get answers about Depo-Provera and wonders if it is just another form of the Tuskegee experiment. While Mrs. Seager is with a patient, Civil searches her office for evidence of any other young patients being given the injections.

As she quickly looks through Mrs. Seager’s files, she hears her supervisor trying to convince the patient to get a tubal ligation. The woman has six children and no husband, but she is worried that if she finds a husband, she will want to have a child with him. As Mrs. Seager continues to try to convince the patient, Civil hears her lie about the procedure by telling the woman the surgery is reversible. The woman tearfully agrees to the surgery.

When Civil sees Mrs. Seager in the hallway, she tells her that the Williams girls are too young to be getting the Depo-Provera, and she will not be giving it to them again. Mrs. Seager says the clinic is “working for the common good” and equates it to “God’s guiding hand” (89).

Leaving the clinic that day, Civil vows to find out if the injections are hurting her patients. But she remains conflicted: On one hand, she distrusts the government, but on the other, she believes birth control can help end the cycle of poverty and crime in the Black community.

Civil’s mother gives Civil the name of a contact who can help find an apartment for the family. As Civil rejoices, her mother hands her money to buy furniture, instructing Civil to help the family without shaming Mace. Civil is surprised at her mother’s interest and realizes this gesture is a way for her usually distant mother to show her love.

Civil visits the family, tells them she has found them a new place to live, and asks Mace to go with her to see the apartment. He protests, but ends up going with her. On the way to the leasing office, they get to know each other a little.

Mace asks her if she has been out of Alabama, and Civil begins to tell him some of the places she has been, but stops herself and simply says she has visited her aunt in Memphis. Mace says he would like to take his daughters to the ocean. He tells her how he and his family were “alright for a while” (99), but when his wife died, their lives fell apart: “[n]othing went right. Crops dead. Chickens dead. Everything turned to shit” (99). After seeing the apartment, Mace is eager to move there and asks if Civil will take him to the job placement service.

Civil, Alicia, Ty, and some of his fraternity brothers help the family move and set up the apartment; Mrs. Williams wants to leave everything behind except her rocking chair. After Civil’s friends leave, Mace and Mrs. Williams settle in before leaving to pick up the girls from the old house.

Mace has taken a new job at the pickle factory, and he is finally making a regular wage. He tells her he is getting his truck repaired and will be able to start driving to his job instead of taking the bus. He tells her he appreciates all she had done, but she isn’t the Messiah. She accuses him of ruining the moment, and he explains how hard it is for him to accept help.

They pick up the girls and leave the shack for good. When they return to the apartment, Civil does not go up with them. She wants Mace to enjoy the moment with his family, and she thinks about him saying she isn’t a savior.

Civil visits the family a month later, and the girls excitedly show her around the apartment. Civil does not tell them she decorated their room for them.

Civil is there to take the girls to the clinic for vaginal exams. When Erica excitedly tells Civil that India has started menstruating, she is startled and thinks that the birth control she’s administering is now guarding against a real threat. She wonders why they were started on birth control when they were only 10 and 12 years old, and she asks Erica if anyone ever asked them if they “messed with” boys. Erica says no. She asks them if any men ever touched them, and Erica says no and that Civil is scaring her. Erica tells Civil that she wouldn’t let anyone ever hurt India either.

As she is preparing to give the girls their pelvic exams, Civil thinks of her abortion and how painful and frightening it was. She decides not to give them the exams, and she empties the Depo-Provera into the sink, swearing the girls to secrecy. Civil decides to stop giving the injections to all of her patients, regardless of age, and to convince the other nurses to stop, too. As she lies while filling in the chart, she knows something has changed for her.

Civil talks to Alicia a week later, and Alicia also admits to stopping the injections. She tells Civil that Ty has been talking to his parents about the situation. When Val catches them talking, they don’t tell her what they are talking about.

Civil doesn’t want the girls getting pregnant, so she gives them birth control pills and teaches them how to use them. She believes she needs to take action to help them, but she also wants to teach them to help themselves.

Erica has started school, but India needs specialized schooling. Civil takes her to a specialist for testing, and Ty goes with her. The doctor, whose fees Civil pays, is dismissive to Civil and Ty, but he connects with India.

While India is in with the doctor, Ty and Civil talk about their relationship. Civil realizes how hard it was for him not to be included when she went for the abortion. They also talk about the clinic and its practices. Civil is not sure what her job is anymore, and she wonders if they should be questioning its use of Depo-Provera. She reminds Ty that there are different rules for Black girls, and he promises to help her find out more about the drug, how it affects the girls, and what they can do about it.

Civil meets with Ty, who is now college president of Tuskegee University, and they get off on the wrong foot. When they both relax, they catch up on each other’s lives. Ty has two successful children and is amicably divorced.

After they talk about their lives, Ty turns the conversation to their relationship and why they did not keep in touch. Civil says it was too hard to contact him but admits she has thought about him over the years. He asks her if she has ever told anyone about the abortion, and she admits she has not. He admits that he told his wife, saying it was not a “secret to be borne a lifetime” (131). Civil cries, and he gives her room to cry, offering only a tissue. She is grateful for the space, and she allows herself to experience her regret.

Civil feels good about how much she has helped the family. Erica is going to school, and India has just been accepted to the special needs school. Her mother reminds her that she cannot do everything for the family: “Baby girl, I just hope you know that no matter how much you do, God has dealt that family an awful hand” (133). She thinks her mother is wrong and that some things can be changed. Her mother turns down Civil’s invitation to visit the apartment, telling her the family is not a “sideshow” (133). She knows her mother is right; the invitation was really an excuse for Civil spend time with her mother.

Civil decides to go to work before visiting the Williamses to tell them India was accepted to the school. Driving her own car at her mother’s request, enjoying the late afternoon drive from the clinic to the apartment, she thinks about how good everything is with the family.

When she gets to the apartment, Mrs. Williams tells Civil that the white woman with red hair (Mrs. Seager) has taken the girls to the hospital “for shots.” Civil asks her if she signed anything, and Mrs. Williams says she “put a mark” on the paperwork. Civil bolts for her car, hoping the permission form was only for Depo-Provera shots.

When Civil arrives at the hospital, she finds the girls in a post-surgery ward with bloody bandages on their abdomens. Erica, through her pain, says they thought they were going for shots, but after the surgery, they were told they could no longer have children. Civil thinks of Miss Pope’s words about the medical establishment: “They think we can tolerate pain better than them” (137). She demands that the girls be given pain medication, and when the doctor comes to the room, he tells Civil they have had a tubal ligation.

Horrified, she calls Mace and tells him what happened. As she leaves the hospital, she does not know what to do. Pulling out of the parking lot, she has an accident; she remembers nothing but the sensation of being tossed around “like a rag doll” (138).