The Cost of Knowing

Due to a combination of personal and societal factors, Alex is under severe pressure to grow up too soon. At the start of the novel, Alex is so weighed down by grief, guilt, and dread that he feels much older than 16. He lost both of his parents at age 12, and he still blames himself for not being there for his best friend, Shaun, who died a year later. Adding to these past tragedies, Alex’s visions show him the imminent loss of his little brother. When Talia asks Alex to act like a teenager during their argument in Chapter 8, Alex thinks, “When you lose both your parents at twelve, your best friend at thirteen, and your little brother at sixteen, you don’t get to be sixteen. Not if you’re a man-in-training” (181). Alex’s personal losses and his belief that he must bear them like a “man-in-training” make him reluctant to rely on anyone, which complicates his relationships with others, including his girlfriend.

While some of the pressures Alex faces, such as his psychic abilities, are unique to his situation, many are societal forces that impact many young Black men. Much of the strain that Alex is under stems from the pressure to be a provider. The belief that he must be a man and that being a man means earning a paycheck is so ingrained in Alex that it “makes [him] physically ill to think […] that anyone, actually, would think [he’s] unreliable. Or that [he doesn’t] care about [his] job” (96). He feels personally responsible for whether his girlfriend’s family can evade eviction, a burden that no teenager should have to carry. In addition, police brutality and widespread racism present dangers to young people like Alex on a daily basis. The murder of the unnamed, unarmed  16-year-old Black boy in Alex’s neighborhood by his own neighbor emphasizes these dangers. During a conversation with Talia after the killing, Alex voices the constant pressure he’s under: “I don’t get to be sixteen, because people judge me like a twenty-year-old! I’ve got a job, I’ve got a car, I do okay in school, and when I come home, that shit is still staring me in the face” (181). As a young Black man, Alex is held to a level of maturity that his peers of other races are not. Alex knows that these double standards and prejudiced assumptions are unfair, but he also knows that meeting these unjust expectations is a matter of survival.

Over the course of the novel, Alex’s conversations with Talia and his time with Isaiah help him reclaim his youth. Prioritizing his little brother’s well-being over his job allows Alex to confront the pressure on him to be a provider, and he decides that it’s more important for a man to protect his family than earn a paycheck. At the concert, Alex remembers Talia asking him, “Can you just be sixteen with me?” (227). Her words encourage him to make some impulsive purchases purely for the joy they bring Isaiah. This action represents a moment when Alex takes the weight of the world off his shoulders. By the end of the novel, losing Isaiah helps Alex understand that he cannot keep everyone safe, and, moreover, that he is not a man but rather “a boy [who] shouldn’t have to try” to protect everyone (300). Through Alex’s story, Morris encourages young Black men to hold onto their youth and find joy in spite of the many factors that pressure them to grow up too soon.