The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

This is a story of taking control of sexual experience. While women are stereotypically the ones being pursued by men when it comes to sex, this short story turns that stereotype on its head and shows that women also have sexual preferences and can take control when it comes to sex. In this story, sex is power; the woman is making all of the rules and boundaries about the sexual experience she is about to have. Every last detail is laid out, and there is a system in place. It seems as though she has come up with all of these rules from past experiences with married Christian husbands, so she knows what works and what does not.

It is made clear in the section on “Feelings” that the woman writing this list is not looking for a romantic relationship with a man–these meetups are strictly about sex and power, not feelings. She writes, “Remember: My reasons for wanting you are predicated on your hunger and the fact that you are off limits. Don’t ruin this for me by acting like a lovelorn teenager” (154). She states clearly that feelings do not play a part in the exchange.

The irony throughout this story presents a commentary on Christianity. The author of the instructions is aware of the hypocrisy of the men she’s sleeping with; they pretend to be one thing in their families and their congregations, yet they are another thing completely. In the section titled “Social Media and Technology,” she instructs the men to “Continue to post Scripture memes about God’s faithfulness and how Jesus is your all in all if you do that sort of thing” (147), basically helping them to keep up the façade and mask of Christianity to hide their misgivings. This is a critique of the fact that many people perform their religion rather than actually living by it.

In the section titled “Your Religion” she instructs the men, “If guilt gets the best of you, do not attempt to witness to me or invite me to church. Don’t ask me to repent, because I regret nothing” (149). This shows that she has evolved past this state of regret and shame that the church often instills in people and is not looking to be pulled back into the cycle of shame. She says, “You can’t save me, because I’m not in peril” (149), making it clear that she is not ashamed of what she’s doing—she is in control, and she is making a conscious choice every time she has sex with a man.