The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

Flavia claims she overheard a prowler and overwhelmed him, perhaps because of congestive heart failure due to a childhood illness. Inspector Hewitt asks Flavia to tell him about the incident, then remarks that struggling with an intruder does not constitute murder. Flavia fibs that she is ashamed to admit further details of the event. Inspector Hewitt asks if Dogger knows she killed the man, but Flavia replies that she had not thought Dogger’s nerves were strong enough. Inspector Hewitt muses, “Well, this is all very interesting […] but the details seem a bit sparse” (172).

Flavia insists that there is more to tell, but she will not continue without seeing her father first. Inspector Hewitt appears to struggle with a decision, then finally tells Flavia to follow him. Inspector Hewitt cautions Flavia that he is risking his career with this, so he asks Flavia not to let him down.

Flavia’s father exclaims her name when she enters and begs the Inspector to take her away. The room is clean, with a cot and a sink and no bars. After Inspector Hewitt steps out, Flavia’s father wearily tells her to go home, though he attempts to maintain a brave face. Flavia says she cannot go because someone stole Gladys, which her father does not understand. He asks if Inspector Hewitt brought her to the station, and Flavia replies that she came by herself, which “seemed to be more than he could grasp, and he turned back to the window” (174). Finally he asks about Daphne and Ophelia. Flavia says they are well and looking forward to his return.

Flavia’s father says that it might be some time before he comes home. He paces, muttering to himself. Flavia says she confessed to Inspector Hewitt, but her father is not listening. Flavia tries again, saying, “I told Inspector Hewitt that I killed Horace Bonepenny” (175). Flavia’s father abruptly stills, coldly asking what she knows about Horace Bonepenny. Flavia admits to overhearing the argument in the study; she knows that Bonepenny tried to blackmail him. Flavia tells her father she “confessed” so that he would be thought innocent.

Shocked, Flavia’s father asks why Flavia thinks he killed Bonepenny. Flavia soothingly replies that she is sure he deserved it. Her father responds that while he would have liked to do so, he did not kill Horace Bonepenny.

Flavia tells her father about her investigations and discoveries. Her father sadly asks if she believes him capable of cold-blooded murder. Realizing how absurd the idea is, Flavia admits that she does not believe he’s guilty.

Flavia’s father says Horace Bonepenny was not a decent man, but he did not deserve to die: “‘No one deserves to die,’ Father said, his voice fading out like a distant broadcast on the shortwave, and I knew that he was no longer speaking only to me” (177).

Flavia’s father asks about Dogger, and Flavia says Dogger also heard the argument in the study. Flavia’s father groans and whispers that that was what he had feared.

Hesitatingly, Flavia’s father tells the story of his early life. His father was distant and sent Laurence away to boarding school when he was 11. They seldom saw each other after that. Laurence was despondent at being sent away.

Over time, Laurence adapted to life at school. He had a talent for history but not mathematics. He discovered that the best way to get along was to not fail, but not excel at anything; “mediocrity […] was the great camouflage; the great protective coloring” (180).

His housemaster, Mr. Twining, was a kindly man who set up many clubs. One was a Magic Circle, a hobby for which Laurence developed a passion. He became well known for an illusion called “The Resurrection of Tchang Fu,” which required two operators. His partner was Horace Bonepenny.

Horace had transferred from another school and elicited sympathy from Laurence with tales of his father’s cruelty. Horace was bullied by other boys for his pale, bony appearance. One evening, Laurence came upon a group beating Horace and stopped the assault. After that, they became friends, with Bonepenny adopting Laurence’s mannerisms and hobbies. At times Laurence “fancied” that Bonepenny was becoming a part of himself Laurence “had been searching in the midnight mirror” (183).

The friends complemented each other, as Horace was a mathematical genius and helped Laurence with his math skills. Horace was also a natural conjurer, due to his long fingers. As his magic prowess increased, so did his self-confidence.

“The Resurrection of Tchang Fu” involved a fake pistol and fake blood, to make it appear that Laurence had shot Horace. Laurence would then bring Horace back to “life” in a convincing way. It was difficult to pull off the illusion because Horace was tall, so he suggested they switch roles.

The boys performed this illusion at Parents’ Day with great success. After that evening, Horace transformed even more, speaking in a new way and adopting “a rather offhand manner, as if his earlier timidity had never existed” (190). Horace began spending time with an older boy, Bob Stanley, and assumed his unsavory characteristics. Laurence realized that he no longer liked Horace, finding him cold and hateful.

When Flavia interrupts her father’s story, he falls silent, and she realizes this is the first time they have experienced something like a conversation. Flavia longs for it to continue. She also wishes she could hug her father, but she knows that her family does not engage in affection. She is content to sit with him quietly.

Flavia recognizes that she is no longer as afraid of her father as she had been. She feels like they are now allies.

Her father continues his story. Laurence and Horace were no longer friends, but they continued as members of the Magic Circle. Mr. Twining started a Philatelic Society, as he was an enthusiastic stamp collector. Laurence enjoyed this new hobby.

The headmaster of Greyminster, Dr. Kissing, owned one of the rarest stamps in existence. His grandfather had been employed as a sweeper by the firm that printed all British postage stamps. The grandfather sometimes brought home discarded stamps, which were Dr. Kissing’s only playthings.

Flavia’s father tells her that the rarest stamps are those are printed in error that enter circulation before the flaw is noticed. In 1840, as part of an Orangemen conspiracy, one sheet of Penny Black stamps was printed on bright orange paper and concealed in the reams of ordinary stamps. When word spread of their dissemination, this signaled to conspirators to begin attacks on the royal family.

Flavia’s father stops his tale for a moment, saying, “I hope you are not finding this too boring, Harriet?” (199-200). Flavia is overcome by emotion at being called “Harriet,” but she does not want to break the spell of his storytelling magic, so she slowly shakes her head.

The plot was found out, and alerts were sent to all postmasters in England to confiscate the orange stamps. In a rural village, the postmaster found them, and they were sent back to London. Queen Victoria asked to have one of the stamps saved for her before the sheet was destroyed. Before burning the rest, the owner of the printing company that made the stamps clipped off two, one for the queen, marked AA, and one for himself, marked TL. These stamps were known as the Ulster Avengers by collectors. The one kept by the owner was placed in an envelope. Years later, when his desk was being moved, it fell to the floor, where Dr. Kissing’s grandfather found it. He had no idea of its value and took it home to his grandson.

Flavia feels her face flush. She wonders, “How, without making the situation even worse than it was, could I tell him that both of the Ulster Avengers, one marked ‘AA’ and the other ‘TL,’ were, at that very moment, stuffed carelessly into the bottom of my pocket?” (203).

Flavia wishes she could pull the stamps out and hand them to her father, but they are stolen and she cannot do anything to incriminate him.

Flavia’s father continues his story. The TL Ulster Avenger became the cornerstone of Dr. Kissing’s collection. At a gathering of the Stamp Society held by Mr. Twining, Horace showed up unexpectedly. Horace used flattery and persuasion to get Mr. Twining to ask Dr. Kissing to allow a viewing of his Ulster Avenger.

Dr. Kissing invited the Stamp Society to his private rooms for the showing. After much anticipation and ceremony, Dr. Kissing brought out the treasure; “And there it was, that storied stamp, looking just as one always knew it would look, and yet so much more…so much more spellbinding” (209).

Suddenly, Horace rushed forward, grabbed the stamp, and shouted that he was doing a trick. He pulled out a match and lit the stamp on fire. Horace shouted for everyone to form a circle to bring back the stamp and grabbed Laurence’s hand. Dr. Kissing commanded him to return the stamp to its box.

Horace looked through his pockets, stammering that he could not find the Ulster Avenger and that the trick had always worked before. Dr. Kissing ordered the other boys to search Horace, but the stamp could not be found. Horace, almost in tears, told Dr. Kissing that the stamp must not have been switched and had been burned. Dr. Kissing shouted at him to leave. Flavia’s father reflects, “It was the first time any of us had ever heard him raise his voice above the level of pleasant conversation, and it shook us to the core” (213).

Horace went up to Laurence and shook his hand, apologizing. Horace exited the room, leaving the horrified other boys and Mr. Twining wringing his hands.

The next day, Laurence was out in the quad when someone shouted that Mr. Twining was up in the bell tower, clinging to the parapet; “[h]is whole body seemed to be aglow, and the hair sticking out from beneath his cap resembled a disk of beaten copper in the rising sun like the halo of a saint in an illuminated manuscript” (214). Mr. Twining then raised his hand in salute and shouted, “Vale!” Laurence figured he had stepped back from the parapet, but then suddenly Mr. Twining was falling through the air.

The sound the body made as it hit the ground has haunted Flavia’s father for years. Regretfully, he says, “He was a dear man and we murdered him. Horace Bonepenny and I murdered him as surely as if we had flung him from the tower with our own hands” (215).

Flavia protests that her father had nothing to do with the death, but he says he did. After returning to his rooms that night, Laurence found something sticky on his shirt cuff. Horace had stuck the Ulster Avenger inside his jacket sleeve as he joined their hands. Then, when he shook hands with Laurence, Horace retrieved the stamp.

Horace did not return to Greyminster after that term. Laurence heard years later that Bob Stanley moved to America and set up a mail-order stamp business that was a front for selling stolen stamps to wealthy collectors.

Laurence did not see Horace again til the previous month, when he spotted him at the Royal Philatelic Society’s exhibition in London, where the AA Ulster Avenger was on display. He recognized Horace immediately from his red hair. There seemed to be a commotion by the king’s stamp display, but Laurence left with a friend for dinner.

Laurence soon learned that the king’s Ulster Avenger had been stolen and switched for a counterfeit. Then the jack snipe appeared on the porch, and Laurence knew Horace had left it there.

Horace came at the house and demanded that Laurence buy both of the Ulster Avengers from him. When Laurence refused, Horace threatened to tell the authorities that Laurence stole the first stamp and commissioned the theft of the second. He claimed that Bob Stanley would testify to this.

After Horace left, Laurence was too upset to sleep. He went to the coach house and fell asleep in Harriet’s car. He says, “The last thing I remember thinking was that once Bony and Bob Stanley found I was a bankrupt, they’d give up the game for someone more promising” (220).

Flavia is shocked at the word “bankrupt,” since her father owns Buckshaw. Sadly he tells her that Buckshaw belonged to Harriet, that she had also been a de Luce before they married. She died without leaving a will, and the death duties had consumed most of her money. Laurence himself is virtually bankrupt.

Inspector Hewitt knocks on the door and enters, saying that he gave them as much time as he could. He tells Flavia that he will take her home. She protests that someone has stolen Gladys, but Inspector Hewitt replies that the bicycle is in his car, where he put it so that Flavia would not try to ride home in the pouring rain.

On the ride home, Inspector Hewitt tells Flavia not to be too hard on her father. She insists that he did not murder Bonepenny, but the inspector says he is the most likely suspect. Since the inspector does not believe that she killed Bonepenny, Flavia says that Bonepenny must have been poisoned by the pie. Inspector Hewitt reveals that the pie was analyzed and it was not poisoned. He says, “Unless some sweetness at the bottom lie, Who cares for all the crinkling of the pie?” (223). He remarks that his grandmother used to recite this, then drops Flavia off at Buckshaw.

Inside, Daphne and Ophelia feign disinterest in Flavia’s return, so she goes to bed. Dogger appears on the landing above Flavia’s room, and she assures him that her father is well.