Three Little Words

“My mother had a carefree attitude. She was too self-absorbed to fuss about my safety.” 

Lorraine appears to love Ashley and Luke, but she is not well suited to looking after them. Only a teenager when she has Ashley, she is selfish and unreliable, repeatedly disappointing her daughter and frequently refusing to take responsibility either for Ashley or her own mistakes. 

“When they ripped me from my family, nobody told me anything. I completely expected that I was going to end up wherever my mother and Luke were. I might have been too young for an explanation, but years would pass without anyone answering any of my questions.” 

One of the most consistent failings of the foster care system in Ashley’s case is the failure of anyone—from caseworkers to foster families—to honestly explain to her what is happening or why she is not being united with her mother. This compounds the trauma of the separation, leading Ashley to believe that she is responsible and leaving her increasingly confused and insecure about her future. 

“They couldn’t keep me from thinking about my mother all the time—her smiles, her songs in the shower, the way she painted her eyes and lips with colors.” 

Thanks in part to caregivers failing to explain what is happening and in part to Lorraine’s insistence that “they” are keeping her and Ashley apart, Ashley often sees other adults as her enemies, as people who are lying to her and maliciously denying her access to her mother’s love. It becomes an act of private rebellion to fixate on her mother and on the idea of being reunited with her. 

“I miss you both something awful, but I know you are well and taken care of […] I love you both so much…always and always, Love, Mama.” 

Adele, Ashley’s grandfather’s partner, provides the first maternal love Ashley has encountered since being separated from her mother. She is caring and supportive and loves the children like her own. When the children are taken from her care, she fights harder than Lorraine to get them back. However, while Adele signs off her letter as “Mama,” Ashley refuses to think of her that way, saving that place only for Lorraine. 

“‘You’re not calling anyone else ‘Mama,’ are you?’” 

Although she is seemingly sincere in her love, Lorraine is also jealous and selfish. She insists on Ashley not thinking of anyone else as her mother without considering the damage this does to Ashley’s ability to find the love and support that Lorraine herself cannot provide.  

“‘Whatever you say will be confidential,’ he told me softly. ‘We’re here to protect you and the other children.’

“I dared not glance over to where Mrs. Moss and Melissa were sitting in the living room, but I knew they were close enough to overhear every word.” 

Some of the most pronounced failings of the foster care system occur in relation to Mrs. Moss, a sadistic abuser who torments the children in her “care.” Although there are multiple reports of abuse, officials fail to investigate thoroughly, even overlooking the fact that, if Mrs. Moss can hear the children talking to them, then they are not in a safe position to honestly discuss her abuse. 

“Mrs. Moss steered me into the kitchen, grabbed the hot-sauce bottle, and dribbled some into my mouth. She held my cheeks together, pressing the tender spot with her thumb.

“‘Bet salt water is looking better and better,’ she said.” 

Ashley bites her cheek while enduring violent punishment from Mrs. Moss, but when staff investigate, they accept Mrs. Moss’s account of events and simply tell her to take Ashley to the doctor. The doctor also fails to question whether abuse is taking place and prescribes washing her mouth out with salt water. Mrs. Moss forces salt water down Ashley’s throat and, when she chokes, “punishes” her by making her drink hot sauce instead. 

“‘And why don’t you ever tell the truth, young lady?’ he spit back. ‘The Mosses run one of our finest foster homes, and you were trying to ruin it for everyone.’” 

Mr. Ferris appears to be a kind and caring caseworker but is actually negligent and disinterested. He repeatedly ignores Ashley’s allegations of abuse, stubbornly insisting that she is lying and trying to cause trouble. In this sense, he becomes almost a personification of the system’s failures. 

“‘Why don’t you just get rid of me?’ I blurted. ‘I hate it here anyway!’ It would be easier if they threw me out before I really wanted to stay. Why had I allowed myself to relax?” 

By the time Ashley moves in with the Merritts, she no longer feels secure anywhere because of so many moves and near constant instability. Believing that disappointment and rejection are inevitable, she attempts to get it over with as soon as possible before she becomes too comfortable.  

“‘What can I do for you?’ she inquired. Until then, nobody had ever asked me that question.” 

Ashley and Luke’s Guardian ad Litem, Mary Miller, has only a small role in the book but radically alters the course of the children’s lives, helping to bring about the changes that eventually lead to them being adopted by loving families. The first indication of this comes when, unlike any adult before her, Mary actually prioritizes Ashley’s needs and asks what she can do for her. 

“To outsiders, the campus seemed like a prep school where adorable children lived in cute cottages and had excellent recreational facilities. Yet each resident had hidden terrors that lurked like sea monsters in the murky bottom of an unfathomable lagoon.” 

A lifetime of neglect and abuse take their toll on the children at the Children’s Home of Tampa. Ashley makes a point of highlighting the fact that beneath the polished image required for adoption purposes lays a tangle of trauma, despair, and struggle that sometimes surfaces in the children’s behavior. 

“I’d love a family rich or mid as long

as they want a loving kid. If they love

me and care for me, that’s all I

want in a family.” 

Ashley reluctantly attends a photoshoot for an album of children up for adoption only because there is a competition to have a drawing used as the album’s cover. She writes a poem underneath her drawing. Later, it turns out that the Courters saw that poem and decided to adopt her. She reflects on how close she came to not attending the photoshoot and missing her chance to meet her future parents. 

“‘That should do it,’ said the man with PHIL written on his name tag. He carried the bag to the van for me. I figured he was one of the workers from another agency and forgot about him the minute we left the adoption fair.” 

Ashley meets both Gay and Phil at the adoption picnic, but the meetings are fleeting. Both of them are kind and engaging in their interactions with her, but she does not really register them, unaware that they have taken notice of her and, in a short while, will adopt her and provide the loving family she has always craved. 

 “I could not believe she was being so honest. She took a long breath. ‘There is nothing we can say to make you believe that we’ll be here for you. You only learn it by living with us year after year after year.’” 

Ashley struggles to accept or return Gay’s care and concern, worried about letting her guard down only to be disappointed again. However, Gay approaches this with patience, understanding, and a remarkable honesty, telling her that she does not yet love Ashley either but that such feelings will grow as they spend the rest of their lives together as a family. 

“‘The point is, they are the best parents ever,’ Blake said. ‘They have always been there for us and they will always be there for you. And so will we.’” 

It is not only Gay and Phil who reassure Ashley that she is wanted and supported. Her new foster brothers, Blake and Josh, go out of their way to make her feel welcome and to assure her that they, too, will always support her and look out for her. Free from the pressure of Ashley’s resistance to, and craving for, maternal love, this helps her take the first steps toward feeling more secure in her new family. 

“In the back of my mind I kept wondering what I would have to do wrong for the Courters to send me back.” 

Even as Ashley lowers her defenses and lets the Courters in, she still struggles to open up to her new family. She falls back on her old habits of wanting to bring about the end of the placement so that the “inevitable” rejection comes early, before she becomes too happy and content. 

“We were boomerang kids. No matter how far we were thrown, we ended up back at our place of origin.” 

Ashley’s feelings of insecurity with Courters are compounded by Luke and several other children being sent back to the Children’s Shelter from their “forever families.” She takes this as proof that she and the others will never find a secure, supportive, loving home and will always face rejection and disappointment. 

“Somewhere my mother was still out there. I would keep my promise to her even if she had not kept any of hers to me, and I would never love anyone else.” 

Another key factor in Ashley’s refusal to accept and return Gay’s love is Lorraine’s selfish desire that Ashley never consider anyone else to be her “mama.” This causes Ashley to feel that it would be disloyal of her to open up and let herself love Gay or any other figure who is actually capable of giving her the love that Lorraine cannot provide. 

“‘I love feeding my family, yet you resist my nurturing because all those other mothers—especially your birth mother—failed to care for you. I cannot force you to accept my love through food, kisses, or any of the ways I know.’” 

Ashley is a fussy eater, but even when Gay goes out of her way to cook food she will like, Ashley refuses to try it. She does not understand why she does this, but Gay explains that it relates to Ashley’s past history of rejection and instability, and accepts this rather than fighting against it. 

“I muttered, ‘I guess so.’ Three little words and it was done.” 

Elsewhere, Rhodes-Courter notes that people will likely assume that the title Three Little Words refers to a statement like “I love you.” However, here it refers to her insecure, noncommittal response to the judge asking her if she wants her adoption by the Courters to be made official. It highlights how much Ashley is still struggling to accept that she has found a loving and caring home. 

“She was fuming, but I was certain that she wasn’t going to hurt me or…I swallowed hard at the next thought: She wasn’t going to ditch me, either.” 

Although the incident with the sleeping pills is highly traumatic for everyone involved, it also serves as a moment of breakthrough for Ashley. Seeing that, although she is furious, Gay would never hurt her or abandon her no matter what she does helps Ashley finally understand that she is safe and secure. 

“I finally noticed that they were always there: waking me up, tucking me in, ready to listen, checking whether I needed anything.” 

Having let her guard down, Ashley can actually see how much effort and care the Courters have been putting into looking after her. She finally recognizes that they truly are the source of constancy and security that she has never previously known. 

“If my mother had received a fraction of the money the Mosses—or any of my foster parents—were paid, she could have established herself in Tampa and made a home for us.” 

As she becomes secure in her new life with the Courters, Ashley stops desperately craving Lorraine’s love and can look at her a little more objectively. She discovers that she feels “pity” (288) for her and recognizes that another failing of the foster system is the fact that abusive and negligent foster families are paid large amounts of money to look after her while nothing is given to her mother who, if nothing else, does genuinely care for her.