Ties That Bind, Ties That Break

“’I don’t see why a girl can’t go to an outside school!’ I protested. But I did feel a touch of doubt. Already I had learned from Mother and my amah that there were certain things boys could do that girls couldn’t.”

In the beginning of the narrative, Ailin meets her husband-to-be, Liu Hanwei. They talk about how he is attending a public school, and Hanwei tells her a little about what he is learning. Young as she is, Ailin is being indoctrinated into the customs of her upper-middle-class life in China. She doesn’t understand them, because from her point of view she should be able to do anything a boy does, but she will soon learn that this is not the case.

“When Mrs. Liu saw Ailin the other day, she was shocked that her feet were still unbound. She also remarked on how spirited Ailin was. In other words, she found her spoiled and uncontrollable.”

The main event that influences everything else in this narrative is Ailin’s refusal to have her feet bound. She is an active child with her own mind—a state that is not desirable to her family or others who wish to ally themselves with the Taos. At the age of almost five, she is considered willful because of her feet’s unbound state. This quote shows the prevailing cultural view of Ailin’s rebellion, as interpreted by Ailin’s mother. There is an implied ultimatum in this wording; that the Lius will find someone else if Ailin’s feet aren’t bound. Ailin’s mother points out, “Lots of families would be eager to offer their daughters, since the Lius are so well-connected” (19). She also says the Lius are willing to accept a “modest exchange of gifts” (19), which is important to the family because of their less strong financial situation. This is probably the best offer Ailin’s family will get for her and is important to their fortunes.

“Now I saw how her foot had been squeezed into a wedge: The big toe had been left undeformed, but the rest of the toes with the other foot had been forced down under the sole of her foot, like a piece of bread folded over.”

Because she is about to undergo the foot-binding process, Ailin seeks out knowledge about it. The modesty of traditional Chinese culture has hidden the results of foot-binding from her, and Second Sister agrees to show her so she will know what she’s getting into. Ailin is shocked by what she sees—the “pitiful stumps at the end of Second Sister’s legs” (28). She thinks the toes must have been broken in order to be forced under like that, and the sight is deeply distressing to her. She considers what generations of women must have gone through for these delicate feet: “What was more, they didn’t just suffer for an instant. The pain must have gone on for weeks, months, and years” (28). She is wise for such a young person, accurately describing what happens to the foot and the pain that women went through, even though she only sees the results of the process.  

“My poor little girl, you’re beautiful, and you’re clever. But you are too headstrong. Someday you will have to pay a price for that.”

Ailin’s mother is the one who tells her that her strength will cost her. Ailin has come forward so that Second Sister does not get all the blame for showing Ailin her feet. By doing so, she displays her moral and physical courage, as their mother is being violent with Second Sister, grabbing her by the hair and slapping her. Second Sister had told their mother that it was better to be honest with Ailin, and her mother’s response is typical of the times and of Chinese culture—she says that parents deserve their children’s respect without having to earn it. This system of filial piety is a Confucian ideal, ingrained in generations of Chinese parents. Here, Ailin’s mother shows that she also understands Ailin’s rebellion, and her strength, but does not believe it will help her in the future—especially not in the patriarchal society in which they live, or the traditional family structure. Through this quote, Ailin’s mother also displays affection for her youngest daughter, which is less demonstrative and more restrained within Chinese families than with Western ones. 

“I hoped Father was right. If things changed, maybe girls wouldn’t have to have their feet bound any longer. I was all in favor of the Revolution, whatever it was.”

In China at this time, girls customarily do not receive much education, and Ailin is still a very young child. Yet she is old enough to know her own mind, and to understand on an intuitive level that foot-binding is an archaic tradition that belongs in the past. She knows nothing about government or the Revolution that is bringing democratic institutions to her country, but she does know that she supports a regime that wants to outlaw what seems to her like a pointless, painful process. While the narrative never gets heavy-handed about the political events of the day or about Ailin’s thoughts regarding the events happening around her, it makes clear that these political events did influence the population, The revolution, which toppled the Qing dynasty, was a major historical shift that forever changed China, Taiwan and surrounding nations. It is not surprising that Ailin would be personally touched by it and that it would influence her coming of age.

“It will be a good match, and you will be happy when you become a member of the Liu family. You can come home as often as you like because the Lius have been friends of our family for generations, and we see a lot of one another.”

As Ailin is reminded by Grandmother, the match the Taos and Lius have made between her and Hanwei is desirable for both families because she and Hanwei like each other and because the clans have been friends for so long. Under other circumstances, Ailin might not have unfettered access to her home and family, which can often be a source of unhappiness for girls who must leave home upon a marriage that is not based on love. Ailin’s sister, for example, marries into a less pleasant situation. However, as Grandmother points out, the Taos have high standards and will not accept a girl into their family with “feet like a peasant’s” (38). She tells Ailin outright that her refusal to have her feet bound will limit her prospects for the rest of her life. And while Ailin repeats what her father says about things changing in China, Grandmother points out that “men will always be men, and women will always be women. Some things never change!” (37).

“We cannot expect our old customs to remain forever—even customs that have prevailed for a thousand years. I will think of a plan. There must be something to do for a girl with unbound feet.”

Without the support of her father, Ailin would not have been able to prevail in her desire to keep her feet unbound. His love for his daughter and his more liberal politics as compared to other members of his family lead him to defend her decision and to consider a different future for his daughter than what has been previously assumed. In this quote, he shows he understands that keeping Ailin’s feet unbound limits her opportunities, but he believes she’ll have others. He supports her education, another unconventional—but more common—pastime for a girl from an upper-middle-class family. When he dies, however, her future is put into doubt because she comes under the control of others who are not interested in her thoughts and feelings. 

“Having Ailin attend school is not going to help the matchmaker. It’s hard enough when the girl has big feet, but an educated girl with big feet will be quite impossible to marry off!”

In traditional China, girls are generally defined by their relationships to men: as a daughter, sister, wife, or mother, for example. They are most valued for their ability to have sons. As such, education was not important or desirable for girls, and they were generally only educated at home, if at all. Foot binding has been considered to be part of the reinforcement of this type of patriarchal society. When Grandmother says this, she is ascribing to the dominant cultural view and signaling how others of their class will view Ailin’s breaking of tradition. Ailin’s education and unbound feet will handicap her in the only way that matters, according to Chinese custom: getting a good husband. 

“I want to tell you that our decision about breaking your engagement was a very hard one. We agonized over it for many months. I’m truly sorry, Ailin.”

During this conversation, Ailin has a conversation with Mrs. Liu, Hanwei’s mother, following Grandmother’s death. Mrs. Liu clearly understands here how she has affected Ailin’s future by refusing to allow the marriage to go through. In fact, it is Mrs. Liu’s decision, following Ailin’s refusal to have her feet bound, that sets the tone for Ailin’s future. However, Mrs. Liu is only sticking to the dictates of the customs she knows. Later, at their serendipitous Chinatown meeting, Hanwei implies that the changes occurring in society have also changed his parents’ views: He says, “You’d be surprised at how modern they’ve become in some respects” (5). Ailin, however, retains a slight bitterness toward Mrs. Liu at the way the woman threw her future into doubt, even though it all turned out for the best. 

“When Miss Scott said that throughout Chinese history women were no better than slaves, Xueyan raised her hand. ‘There was a famous woman warrior called Hua Mulan,’ she said triumphantly. ‘And the Dowager Empress Wu Zetian of the Tang dynasty actually proclaimed herself a ruling empress and tried to start a new dynasty!’”

Miss Scott is an example of an American who does not understand the Chinese culture, leading to misunderstandings between her and her students. The girls are afraid to contradict her, because they will be in danger of being expelled. Had Miss Scott been a more open teacher, she might here have learned something from her students about strong Chinese women, such as the legendary warrior Hua Mulan. Controversial Wu Zetian was the only true empress in Chinese history, having officially presided in 690-705, interrupting the Tang dynasty. However, she was the power behind the throne for more than five decades. Her reign included an expansion of Chinese power, a stabilization of the Tang dynasty, improvement in the lives of workers, and an elevation of Buddhism to the state religion.  

“Generations of girls had to suffer excruciating pain because somebody unknown had decreed that big feet were unacceptable in upper-class society. It was high time that somebody tried to stop that senseless practice. I was glad that Xueyan and I were among the first to rebel.” (Chapter 5, Page 68)

Ailin and Xueyan, after a chance meeting with Hanwei, consider the power women have had in their families, and the complicated roles that men and women both play in continuing the tradition of foot-binding. Ailin remembers that Confucius believed women should be submissive to men, and foot-binding made this possible. Yet the girls also realize that it is the women in upper-middle-class families that perpetuate the tradition and make it possible for foot-binding to pass from generation to generation. Ailin notes here that she feels like a social outcast because of her non-bound status, but she and Xueyan stand united in their repugnance of the tradition. 

“I felt a pang in my chest at the thought of leaving my home, with its courtyards, fragrant sweet-olive bushes, carp pond, and the maids who did my bidding. But I would be leaving that home in any case. My alternatives were to become a concubine of the Fengs, enter a nunnery, or live in a thatched farmhouse with mud walls.”

After Ailin’s father dies, her fate lies in the hands of Big Uncle. He tells her she has just a few options, outlined in this quote. However, her resourcefulness and connections make it possible for her to escape the narrow confines of these options and choose her own path. As she is only 13 by Western reckoning, she will certainly miss her home, but she also knows that she cannot stay in her family’s compound and allow her fate to be determined—to her detriment—by others who may not wish her well. She is forced, in some ways, to grow up early as a result. 

“‘I loved your father,’ he said in a strangled voice. ‘That’s why you may leave this room alive.’”

When Ailin tells Big Uncle her decision, she thinks he takes it well—until she realizes he is furious, and only keeping it under tight control. As head of the family, Big Uncle should have complete say over Ailin’s future. His anger also comes from the fact that she has found a way to escape his edict, which does not appear to have her best interests in mind. Instead, he seems to want to make her submit to his authority; Thus, he threatens her life as an ultimate form of control. Ailin understands from this point on, she is on her own. 

“For the first time I understood the price of my rebellion. I had been exiled from my own people, and I had entered a world that despised what I had been taught to value.”

Ailin finds life at the Warners difficult. It’s hard work, and there are cultural issues between her and the family as well as intra-cultural misunderstandings between her and the other servants to contend with. She is given a reprimand by Timothy Warner when she introduces too much Chinese culture into the children’s studies. When Billy gets sick, to Second Sister’s house for help and is turned away because she is wearing foreign clothes. The result of all this is to make her feel a stranger to both her own world, from which she has been exiled by her unwillingness to conform to a major rule, and from the new world she has chosen to inhabit—which does not seem to consider her worthwhile, either. 

“My dear, I’m so impressed by your initiative! We were lucky to have found you for our children.”

When the Warners trust Ailin enough, they leave for a religious retreat. However, Billy gets sick, so Ailin goes for help. Eventually, she is able to locate a doctor for the boy, who turns out to have measles. Mrs. Warner is grateful, but Ailin suffers because, during the course of finding a doctor, she has visited her home compound and her sister’s compound and realized she is an outsider: “I felt like an exile in Nanjing, the city of my birth” (110). However, their growing confidence in Ailin’s abilities may have been a reason the Warners chose to take her with them to America, which helps change her fate.

“Your uncle told me he was afraid you might wind up in some hole aboard the ship. He wanted to make sure you had accommodations suitable for a daughter of the Tao family.”

When Ailin leaves for America, she is surprised to see that Xueyan has come to see her off. Xueyan even expresses envy at the New World adventure ahead of her. The protagonist is also surprised to find that her uncle has made a peace offering to his wayward niece, who will likely never be a part of his family again. In doing so, he invokes the Tao pride, which is an additional way of making amends, as Ailin tried to win his favor during their last confrontation by pointing out that her becoming an amah would be “less disgraceful” (90) than what he had chosen for her. She does not use the money immediately.

“He stared at me for a long time. Finally he said, ‘You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.’”

On the boat to America, Ailin meets James Chew, her future husband. He says this after she tells him her story, and he is amazed by her courage. This is her first experience with someone who thinks of her rebellion as laudable. She replies, “I don’t know what you mean. I’m not a revolutionary or anything” (128). Her courage is more sustained, more everyday. But her experience clearly leads James to admire and respect her in a way she has not experienced before. It becomes a foundation for married love and contributes to Ailin’s own self-esteem.

“When I marry, I want a companion, not a status symbol.”

The topic of foot-binding comes up in Ailin’s conversation with James, when he is telling her his family’s history. He gives her some new information; that women with bound feet are made fun of in America. She realizes she truly wants to know his opinion about the practice, and he says he feels the same way as his father, who married a country girl without bound feet. This pleases Ailin, who is developing feelings for this man who treats her like an adult rather than a wayward and disobedient child. 

“I had entered a totally new world when I enrolled in the Macintosh School, and another one when I went to live with an American family. Now I was about to enter still another new world—literally the New World.”

One aspect of Ailin’s personality is her adventurous nature. She does not shy away from new experiences. Perhaps this is partly a result of not having her feet bound and knowing therefore that she must be more creative to make her way in the world, but it could also be that her risk-taking characteristics are what led her to reject foot-binding so adamantly. By now, she is used to new beginnings, and this is a true starting point for her. She is leaving her family behind, she has just met James, and she is about to set foot in a new country. 

“Girls didn’t bring anything into a family. They were married off at great expense to some other family, where they fulfilled their duty by producing sons. With the Warners, I felt like I was making a contribution to the family. I was needed.”

Here, Ailin feels the differences between living in China, where girls are considered relatively useless, and America, where she must endure plenty of hard work but is also necessary to the Warner family’s comfort. Her self-respect and independence are improving as a result. She recognizes that in her home country the forced submission is embedded into the national culture.

“I looked forward to these weekly trips. It was almost like returning to my own country, to my home. In Chinatown I was among people who looked just like me. I didn’t feel like a foreigner there.”

Chinatowns are ethnic enclaves that formed in many urban areas in part so that Chinese immigrants, coming to America in the mid-1800s to work on the railroads and join the Gold Rush, could escape racism. Chinatowns offered tastes, smells, sights, and sounds from home, and also provided social services that immigrants could not get elsewhere, such as legal representation and health care. The era in which Ailin lives was defined for these immigrants by the Chinese Exclusion Act, barring Chinese people in the U.S. from becoming citizens and restricting new immigration. This law came into effect in 1882 and resulted in prejudice against Chinese immigrants that made it difficult for them to live and work elsewhere. The act was not repealed until 1943.

“Love and affection I had received lavishly from Father, Grandmother, and Second Sister. But admiration was different. Admiration was closer to respect, as from one adult to another.”

Ailin’s family is not far from her mind, despite her physical distance from them. However, she is experiencing something new with James; an equal relationship built upon esteem as well as affection. With James, Ailin knows she has value, and that her courage has influenced him to also be more courageous. Their partnership will be more equal than the treatment she would have received at home as the wife of Liu Hanwei, in a culture that is changing—but slowly.  

“Things are changing in China.”

When Liu Hanwei says this, his eyes are “full of regret and reproach” (149). Ailin’s father believes it, and it is why he champions Ailin’s decision not to have her feet bound. The changes are a result of political unrest that has toppled the Chinese imperial system in favor of a democratic form of government, one of the most important events in recent Chinese history. Foot binding had been a part of the culture for a millennium, but in recent times Western and other influences had made it more controversial. When Hanwei says it, he means that, had Ailin just remained in China and ridden out her family’s disfavor, she could have enjoyed a much easier life. The concept is also two-sided; China’s traditions are changing, but that does not mean the families will always remain prosperous and safe. Among other events, the Second Sino-Japanese War took place just a few decades later, beginning in 1937. The Nanjing Massacre took place that year in Ailin’s hometown and resulted in the deaths of up to 300,000 people, including civilians.