Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life

Karma acknowledges that all things have antecedents. A person’s karma refers to their impact on the world around them. Negative impulses and behaviors will have negative consequences. We are locked into behavior patterns by tendencies of thought, speech, and action. These tendencies result in further similar tendencies. Mindfulness allows one to make actionable changes to their karma, as they can watch their impulses and consider whether they feel authentic to them.

Without mindfulness, we are propelled forward thoughtlessly and continue to enact old patterns. Mindlessness imprisons us in hurt and anger. We react and blame, rather than acting with forethought and authenticity borne from a moment-to-moment knowledge of ourselves.

Being in touch with our whole selves makes us feel one with the world. Merging with our breath helps us to merge with the universe. Finding our intrinsic wholeness makes us feel open and receptive and at one with the balance and harmony of the greater universe.

Unity among all things doesn’t mean sameness among all things. It is the inherent diversity of all things that makes the world so wondrous.

Inquiry into big and important questions of why we are here, what our purpose is, and what it means to be us should be continually examined in the process of living mindfully. However, Kabat-Zinn clarifies that extracting quick answers to these questions is not necessary or realistic. Through asking them over time, though, we might move closer to an understanding of them.

It is important to acknowledge the existence of disharmony within us. From that point, one can listen mindfully to the direction of their thoughts as they ponder the question.

We consider all things through the frame of reference of ourselves, although who we are is a construction of multiple labels and identities that are constantly in flux. According to Kabat-Zinn, the deeper we descend into asking questions about ourselves, the more we realize that we don’t know who we truly are. We seek love, admiration, material possessions, and external validation to bolster our idea of who we are. Despite all of this, though, we might still have no firm idea of who we are and no sense of internal stability.

Kabat-Zinn suggests, in line with Buddhist philosophy, that we should stop attempting so hard to define ourselves, a process called “selfing,” and simply enjoy the being. This allows one to see things as they are without distortions. Accepting the elusive nature of one’s ever-changing self, rather than operating under the delusion that one is permanent, concrete, fully formed, and unchanging, allows one to take oneself less seriously, to see oneself as part of the flux of the universe, and to allow things to unfold as they will.

Kabat-Zinn recalls a time when his daughter’s look of pleading and embarrassment did not stop him from complaining to his daughter’s friend’s mother about that friend’s lateness to join them in the car. He recalls it to remind himself that he should have been present in the moment and that had he been more present he would have prioritized his daughter’s desire for him not to embarrass her over the expression of his anger and irritation, which solved nothing.

Kabat-Zinn used to find it very triggering when the cat’s food bowl ended up in the sink with the human dishes; he found this an unhygienic practice, and then, once he aired his displeasure about it, he felt disrespected and ignored when his family continued to put the cat’s dishes in the sink with the human dishes.

He tuned into his anger in these moments, becoming aware of it rising in him. He would firstly feel revulsion and then anger. He noticed, while listening to his thoughts and observing his feelings, that his feelings of anger had to do with not being respected, listened to, or thought of by his family. He reflected that to his wife and daughters, putting the cat bowl in the sink was simply not a big deal, rather than an intentional slight of him. This allowed him to feel calmer.

In a “Try” activity, Kabat-Zinn recommends that readers tune into themselves in moments where things are making them angry; he encourages them to reflect on the phrase “making me angry.” It gives control to external forces rather than taking responsibility for one’s reaction. Furthermore, feelings can result from a creation of the situation in one’s mind’s eye, rather than being a complete view of the situation. Simply examining the reaction for a while, rather than immediately acting, can have positive impacts on a person’s understanding of the situation, as well as their outward expression of their feelings.

Kabat-Zinn stopped attending meditation retreats once his children were born. He considered his children his “own private mindfulness trainer” that challenged him, exhausted him, and demanded constant selfless, loving kindness. The trials and tribulations of parenting are lessons in the importance of mindfulness; it is essential to view parenting as a challenging journey of self-improvement.

Both outer support and inner support are necessary to nourish oneself in this challenging task. Outer support takes the form of the love and support of one’s partner, friends, or family. Inner support comes from taking time to find stillness and presentness in oneself, in the form of mindfulness and meditation. Kabat-Zinn recalls meditating with his babies in his lap, feeling that they took on his relaxation and stillness as he monitored his breathing as well as their own. Parenting older children has created different challenges; Kabat-Zinn has had to confront and challenge many automated beliefs that have arisen in him. Furthermore, he has had to navigate the emotional challenge of having his children grow up and away from him.

In a “Try” exercise, Kabat-Zinn asks those who have children to observe them in silence and consider their needs. Often, an intuitive sense of what they need will arise.

Kabat-Zinn explains that a parent is a major teacher in a child’s life, just as they are a major teacher in the parent’s life. He warns against using phrases like “my children,” as children are not a possession to be owned and molded to one’s will. He also warns against encouraging one’s children to meditate or urging them to do anything one is passionate about; instead, parents should lead by example, and children can choose their own path. Motivation for anything must come intrinsically from the child.

Kabat-Zinn warns against feeling pride and mastery of meditation; some days, one’s mind will be harder to silence, and the practice will be less successful. Furthermore, the ego should not be claiming meditation success. The meditator should remain humble and avoid “selfing.” On the other hand, meditators should avoid dwelling in negativity if their practice feels stale or boring. These feelings shouldn’t be inflated, but rather observed and accepted.

In a “Try” activity, Kabat-Zinn advises guarding against self-involvement or strong emotions by remaining mindful; all states of mind are valid and can be observed, and meditation has no particular aim of getting anywhere. Asking questions like “Am I using meditation as a technique?” and “Who is supposed to be getting somewhere?” can assist in remaining mindful, rather than becoming egotistical (170).

Mindfulness can be considered inherently spiritual, as being completely present with the breath is being in appreciation of the majesty of all things. Furthermore, Kabat-Zinn muses that perhaps a feeling of spirituality simply means a feeling of oneness and “wholeness and interconnectedness” with all things (172). The spirit is often associated with the “breath of life,” and therefore the breath is associated in many spiritual beliefs with the conscience, the soul, and the holy (171). The gifts that breath can bring can be missed if the mind is elsewhere.

Although Kabat-Zinn acknowledges the way that meditation can be conceived of as an inherently spiritual practice, he avoids the word in his medical work, as it has such varied connotations depending on people’s belief systems. Instead, he refers to it as a “consciousness discipline” (171). Furthermore, he believes that meditation practice is beyond, or utterly outside of, thought and therefore difficult to label.

Kabat-Zinn also stresses that any labeling of meditation as spiritual should not imply that it allows one to transcend above the suffering, pain, and grittiness of life; rather, meditation is a willingness to sit and be with all things. It involves facing and sitting with fears and darkness, rather than avoiding these things.

In an Afterword (present in editions published after 2004), Kabat-Zinn speaks to the enduring popularity of his work; he believes that this is borne out of a desire for people to fully connect with who they really are and to live authentically and connectedly as this person. He feels that the work of mindfulness is even more necessary in our increasingly digitized world, which demands that we get even more done in even less time; we run the risk of never actually being present with ourselves. Inner wisdom has never been more necessary, and mindfulness helps us to reach this inner wisdom, clarity, and calm. Kabat-Zinn reminds readers that they are already perfect and that mindfulness is an invitation to see and sit with this perfection in its entirety, as well as to appreciate the oneness of the universe despite its nuance and multiplicity.